I blame my papa

 I blame my grandpa for this vanity....... I often think how dare this person not realize I am the most beautiful person in the world, from birth my grandpa would hold a mirror to my face and say look Lizzie that is the most beautiful person in the world. This vanity I speak of has always given me this armor to face the world because if they only knew I am the most beautiful person in the world my grandpa told me so. I truly believe all the self confidence in the world can come from many places and this is where mine came from and slowly over the past few months I have begun to remember the who and most importantly the why.

My uncle told me the other day Lizzie we don't quit we don't know how, you don't quit on life on people on yourself. 

Honestly I think that was a tad bit hard to hear cause I am at my core a weak woman when it comes to self care. I would so rather focus on the people I love. I would rather make sure every person around me is comfortable content secure. Me I'll be ok those five words again 🤦🏻‍♀️. 

As I sit here after deleting friend requests from those who are here for the downfall of me and reading then blocking messages from people who only pretended to care to hear my story. But more importantly not giving that person my power ever again remembering just who the hell Lizzie is with out her children without him.

I have come to the realization that I have to start to love myself first if that means maybe your feelings get hurt I can't control that aspect anymore. 

The old Liz before children was a I don't give a flying fuck about you or you or most importantly them. One of my favorite cousins told me oh Liz your a bitch but your good at it 

Yes yes I truly am I blame my papa for he told me from birth how special I am it's time and life that has knocked me down a few pegs, HOWEVER I found me at the bottom of this broken pile of heartbreak and resilience and if you thought 16 year old Liz was a mean bitch you ain't seen nothing yet my family gave me that power 49 years ago I dropped it but I picked it back up. 

I don't owe anyone anything anymore either your in my corner or get out of my way, I did my duty raised my children was a good person tried to be humble and quiet but that was then this is now.

Where ever this new year takes me I blame my papa for he told me it was ok.

You hear alot of people saying new year new me nope not this fool who isn't a fool anymore this year the old me is coming back