Cutting out the Old

 Does anyone remember the bumper stickers of old with the bubble letters, cute little pictures? 

JUST KEEP TRUCKIN'

Yeah it's one of those nights I think. Because we have all lived by this statement at one time or another. At least I have. No matter what the issue you just keep truckin..... You got this.

You've got this.

I went and got my hair cut today. Bless my daughter she is trying to help me find myself again. The old Liz before would get her hair done, get pedicures, and care. I knew who I was why I was and no matter what happened I was sure of that.

Power through you got this 

I never thought doing this simple thing would help me like it did though and that is the truth. Changing things up and looking at the before and the after sure helps a lot. It really does.  I feel like I can face the world handle the questions and most importantly I can breathe and live. I know your outsides don't usually match your insides. Most times in fact your insides are torn the fuck up and your outside is like the shield to protect yourself.

The real question should be why do we have to hide how we really feel about somethings, why do we have to put a brave face on.

My big little brother put it pretty plainly to me yesterday however....... We all have people that hate us we all have people talking shit. What have we done this entire life Liz? so when are we done being sad? when is the pity party over and when do we get pissed off and take care of this shit?

I guess right now. I don't want to be mad, I don't want to be the one who takes a stand anymore but yet here I am doing it. Even though I don't want to be that person anymore because my initial instinct is to climb in a hole and ignore the world I am standing up and yelling at the top of my lungs......

Bring it.

Everything in my life in the last 33 years, is mine I have worked so hard to be me. I am pretty damn smart, I can handle any situation I have had thrown in my way up to this point. My problem continues to be that I can solve problems. I can be strong and I don't waiver. I needed and will continue to need to know my limits. 

As crazy as it sounds I have to learn how to balance everything because I can't totally change who I have been. I have to be ok with not fixing everything even when I try. I also have to admit its fine to cry but like I learned years ago cry until its done then it's over no more wallowing.

If someone thinks they lived my life good luck if you want my life you couldn't handle it. I have lived through more then I will ever admit and I am still standing.

Did you know that the vitamins I take saved my life. they did. Counter acted the sleeping pills and because of this they never took full affect. I was not aware this would happen but it did. Devine intervention maybe or maybe I just wasn't done in this world and I just needed this reset. 

Whatever the reason I am here facing my demons and still standing like always so I just Keep On Truckin.